~Sammy
With the additional sacrifices that we have all made in recent months, this Lent was a struggle. Even so, I found it to be one of the more fruitful Lents that I have experienced, and I want to take a moment and share it.
Anyone who knows me knows that anger is not my thing. I can get easily annoyed at people, but I rarely hold any sort of grudge—I don’t like putting my energy towards hate. However, recently I found myself becoming progressively more irritated with some people, and it was beginning to affect my attitude. Before Lent, I was talking to the Abbot about this situation, and one thing that he suggested was stopping by the chapel every day for a week to specifically pray for someone who I was struggling with—even myself if I was the person that I was struggling with that day. If there was no one I could think of, then he suggested that I should pray for someone who I felt was in need of prayer. I finished this about eight days before Ash Wednesday.
This simple change in my day had already readjusted my attitude towards others, and I wanted to continue this adjustment. For Lent, I began to make a list of people to pray for. My form of prayer and time in the chapel varied each day. Some days I had specific intentions, other days my prayer was a rosary, Praise and Worship Music, or just silence. Each day was different.
I had one specific experience that I think really influenced the rest of my Lent. Two weeks in, it was the day to pray for someone I didn’t particularly want to pray for. I began by sitting in silence, and not prayerful silence, reluctant silence. I didn’t even know where to begin. I really didn’t know the girl I was praying for, I just knew we did not get along. So I began with memorized prayer. Even this was difficult. I slowly transitioned to praying for any personal intentions of hers, then for her college career, then for her hobbies and passions, and, finally, for the relationships that she has with others in her life. I did eventually find it easier to pray. As I opened my heart and really began praying, I realized that this prayer was just as much for me as it was her. I realized that I really do not know her. I do not know why we don’t get along. I do not know why we can’t seem to be friends. I do not know why there’s tension between us. I do know that there seems to be a reason, and it appears to be one that I don’t know how to control. I realized that my frustration was coming from the unknown, so I decided to just accept what I do not know.
What I do know is that there is always something going on in the lives of others. I can be frustrated that I do not understand their actions, or I can accept their actions for what they are. I can live assuming the worst of others, or I can accept them and embrace them for who they are and where they are. I do not have to be their friend, but I do have to be patient. This experience helped open my heart when I was praying for others on my list because I realized that I do not know what they need from God, but I do know that I can help by asking God to provide for them.
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